Let’s Talk … Anger.
Anger, like our other emotions, is primal, and we all come equipped with it. But it has a quirky characteristic to it. It’s what we call a secondary emotion, meaning, it’s brought about when another emotion gets triggered. We get angry when we, or someone we care about, gets scared, frustrated, threatened, or physically or emotionally hurt.
Have you ever noticed that when one of these other emotions gets triggered we aren’t quite so quick to pay attention to it? But when anger gets triggered we all notice. It creates a tremor in the force, as Obi-Wan used to say, and as our community is much happier when we all appear happy, it really doesn’t like when we get angry. In fact, we are so unsettled by anger that we will often completely ignore the person that swung the bat and punish the individual that got angry after being hit by the bat, metaphorically speaking that is. Why you might ask? Well anger is unpredictable, dangerous, difficult to control and regulate, and often gets targeted at the innocent. It keeps the community from doing business as usual; in other words, working on our survival and ability to thrive.
Anger, like your other emotions, can be controlled, but you have to be quick on the draw because it can come blasting out before you know it. And simply keeping it in isn’t the right answer. Eventually, it just builds up, and builds up, and becomes a greater risk or it starts showing up in other ways. Freud suggested that depression is anger turned inward. Maybe you or someone you know can relate to that idea.
Recognize when you feel yourself getting angry and take a breath and a step back from whatever is the source of the problem. Parents get a lot of practice at this. Identify what feeling is triggering the anger and focus on that (you may need some time to figure this out so don’t be afraid to ask for a time out). Verbalize how you are feeling and what it is that is making you feel that way. If possible work with the source of the problem, if not immediately, then when emotions are not so high. If you need to, talk with a neutral third party to get some coaching or support. If you can’t resolve the problem immediately, or you can’t get a satisfactory resolution, find a safe way to vent the anger you are feeling. Personally, my favorite is grabbing a good solid stick and giving a tree a good thrashing until I run out of emotion or become too tired to keep going. Trees really don’t mind; they are pretty tough skinned and happy to lend a hand.
Often we will find that the feeling that triggered the anger resulted from a misunderstanding, an emotional low in our day that made us more sensitive than we would normally have been, or something that impacted us that was completely unrelated to what we reacted to. And sometimes the reaction is justified. But whatever the reason, your response is your responsibility, and you need to keep it healthy and appropriate, because the last thing you want is to cause yourself any more emotional damage than you have already encountered. It just makes sense, right?