OK, Let’s Talk …

The other day I was wandering the halls of one of our many great art galleries when I came upon a commentary of a piece of art that identified the artist as a gay individual using the label “Queer Artist”. Now I am in my, uhm, …. 60’s (hard swallow) and in my day the word queer was used as a derogatory slur. I was astounded that the institution I was standing in, that was ordinarily supportive of all of our palette colors, would use such a term. I took a pic of the comment and sent it to my two 30’s kids with my editorial comment. I received no reply; not in support of my reaction, not as a mediator, and certainly not in support of a slur, as they would never do.

I was planning to contact the staff of the gallery when I decided to instead call one of the support hot lines for the LGBT community, just to make sure my definition of the word was still accurate and to have an organizational reference when I went to the gallery staff to get the wording on the exhibit changed.

The hotline worker was really cool and level headed. When I explained that I wanted to get his opinion on its interpretation he shared that to those in their 50 and over age group that was a derogatory use of the term, but the younger gay community was attempting to adopt the term as a positive label of inclusion. He also voiced his appreciation that someone would take the time to ask, particularly someone that wasn’t a member of that community.

So the lesson learned here was, what one finds offensive another may not and reacting with anger and indignance may be your first reaction, but that needs to be let go and communication needs to take its place. Every generation has terms that are derogotory and others that are supportive and expressive. And every generation seeks to make their own mark by changing that which previous generations have defined. But we all need to recognize that this constant change of what is acceptable and what is not means that its intent may or may not be meant to be harmful and both the speaker and the receiver need to respect the other, hear them out, and share their response, calmly and with mutual respect.

Had I not asked someone who stood to be impacted by it, and had that person not reacted as a level headed “Adult”, a misunderstanding would have continued. And had it been someone else more emotionally charged, this could have become an issue for many parties involved. But to deal with this the right way required talking, not being silent or repressive of our ability to talk with each other.

And we have all seen where that can lead, right?